Tonight as I was cleaning.... bustling around with an armful of laundry, replaying my day with Isla in my head .... mentally disciplining myself for losing my cool or speaking too harshly and brainstorming ways to help challenge her more...I walked past our coats hung up at the front door.
One big Daddy coat, One medium Mommy coat and one little baby coat.
A perfect reminder of the blessing that is our girl. Our little family.
I thought back to the year we spent trying to conceive and all of the thoughts and dreams about 'our baby' I had.
What would she look like?
Who would she be?
What would we name her?
How would she fit with us?
Even on the worst days...the worst (and I've had many lately) there is always a moment, usually at bedtime, when she hugs me and our bodies once again intertwine. Her little arms around my neck, her little fingers tracing touches on the back of my neck. Our hearts lined up together beat 'you are mine.' It's like they've 'found' each other again.... it is the most beautiful of things. When I doubt my abilities as a Mom I rely on that moment, when I realize... I am the one she's got. I am it. I never feel our connection as strongly as I do in those moments.... stripped down to pure emotion and the most primal feelings of mothering.
There are so many things that make you a Mom...so many trivial, necessary, monotonous things...but allowing your heart to love that deeply is what I think makes women and mothers extraordinary.
Happy evening everyone.
xo.
S
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