My job.

Hi Friends-

I can't tell you how many times I've started this blog, saved it, rewritten it, deleted it and resaved it. I have tried to tackle the heavy, taboo issue of being a stay-at-home Mom versus working outside of the home and I just can't get it out in the right way. In a way that does it justice and says what I need to say. I have saved that 7 paragraph (yes 7!) blog post and archived it because I've come to terms with the fact that I just may not be able to finish it. Maybe I'll look back in my drafts folder in a couple of years with another baby in our family and feel like the time is right or I may just let it sit in there and mull over the possibilities of what it could be. I decided to refocus this post on 'what I do.' I have heard this question asked many times over the last 10 months since my Daughter was born. When I answered, "I stay-at-home with Isla" on one occasion a friend responded, "well, at least you have your Photography" ......

mmmm.hmmmm.

I was taken aback (to put it nicely). Mind you...I love my Photography but that doesn't make the work I do as a stay-at-home Mom less of a job, or not a job at all for that matter!

Instead of letting that experience hang over me and consider all of the things I should have said...I've decided to make a list of many (although not all) of my job responsibilities. I'm sure you have many to add to this list as well. The list grows and changes everyday...that's one of the many beauties of being a Parent.

1. I cuddle my baby when she is sad or just needs a hug.

2. I absorb parenting books, magazines and blogs to try and be the Parent I want to be.

3. I work my day around a sleep schedule.

4. I manage our family life and our home (which is why B calls me the Ambassador of our Personal Life :)

5. I change diapers and inspect for diaper rashes.

6. I teach kindness and work to instill 'good manners.'

7. I make hard decisions and have to say "No" more than I like.

8. I create a diet plan to make sure everything that goes on her tray is nutritious and just what she needs.

9. I advocate for unplugged time for our family, solo time for her and her Daddy (who works more than full-time) and Family time with our relatives and Friends.

10. I schedule playdates to help her socialize (and to keep me sane).

11. I cook (and I generally hate it). I bake (and I generally love it).

12. I shop (which is not fun with a baby--don't get too excited. The last time I shopped with her she barfed on me and had a screaming tantrum in the shoe aisle.)

13. I hung up my Calvin Klein heels for a pair of Asics and yoga pants. My daily uniform.

14. I find time to fit in my own hobbies, pull out my camera, read books when the night is silent and cuddle my hubby. All things that make me a better Mom.

15. I debate my own decisions. Did I do the right thing for her? Did I say the right thing to her? Should I go back to work outside the home? Am I doing this right?

16. I feel guilty....for yelling 'No', for seeing how hard my Husband works to make this work for us, for insulting other drivers (Seattle road rage) and for being too 'connected' to my iPhone and computer.

17. I work to find patience and humor...when it seems I've run dry.

18. I seek mindfulness. I feel time speeding by and I work to stay in the moment. I know Mindfullness is directly related to feeling gratitude.

19. I try to stay sane.... to have adult conversations with friends and my Hubby, to stay up to date, to read and learn, to write and absorb, to get out of the house and enjoy a Corona and laugh with my Sister. I know when I've reached my limit and I know it makes me a better Mama to get away some times.

20. I give baths, clip nails, chase after a crawling baby and soothe crying.

(....and the list goes on....)

I am proud of what I do.

It is work. It is important. It is critical to who Isla will grow up to be. This time with her is an investment in the strong little girl who will grow up to be a woman, who will hopefully one day be a Mama. This is the most challenging, most intricate, most beautiful work I've ever done. It cannot be underestimated or taken for granted, and to those cynics to believe it's not a 'job'....I utter predictable words, try it.

Just try it.

Give your body over to another life for 9 months, bear intense pain to bring that life into the world, make all your needs secondary and strip yourself bare so your heart is exposed ... because there is nothing more powerful than knowing that your heart is so vulnerable...that the little person you created is now part of this huge, cruel, wonderful world...it is terrifyingly beautiful.

So when you ask what 'I do' I will just simply say, "I'm a Mom"--three little letters that mean so much more. To quote one of my favorite movies, "such a little name, for such a person."

With love,
Sandi