I've been really struggling with Isla. I know this will not come as a surprise to some of you ... but I've been slightly losing my mind lately (which is pretty much due to a non-napping, multiple wake-ups Toddler, YIKES!)
The night before last, it became blatantly obvious that she is not only teething but going through a growth spurt (all too familiar territory). After not napping all day and getting up at 7:15 she went to sleep for exactly 2 minutes after I put her down and then yelled off and on for another 80 minutes while we did regular comfort checks before we gave in and let her get up for 30 minutes and tried bedtime for round two. After thinking that she may sleep through the night after all the dramatic action she got up at 3:20 and after 30 minutes of talking tantrums and comfort checks I decided she needed a bottle so I could get some sleep. She then got up for the day at 5:40 and I decided I had to get more sleep so I slept on the couch with her--which is its own brand of torture. There's nothing like having a Toddler crush your airway and sleep at a steamy temperature (I woke her up at 8:30 because we both were overheating-- the kid's a burrito!) Needless to say- it was a really, really rough night.
As I sat on the couch at 5:40 AM --- feeling terrible for myself I got the dose of perspective I really needed. After googling '21 month mental leap' and '21 month toddler sleep problems' I stumbled onto instagram and saw a post a friend put up in the wee hours of the morning. This particular friend just lost her newborn and is in the throes of coping with grief and seeking recovery. She is brave and broken and so very honest about her journey. Her post gave me the perspective to remember that, that night, those tough minutes (even hours), those final bits of patience...even that tantruming cry is all something to be thankful for.
It's all temporary.
As I was told a million times before I had Isla from other parents, "when it gets hard just remember 'everything's a phase' "
I sat on the couch and thanked my blessings.
For my little home.
For my little Family.
For my challenging-smart-relentless-emotional-beautiful girl.
Please understand, I FULLY believe in finding a voice for your parenting frustration (especially as a stay-at-home parent) whether it's talking to a friend or your Mom, writing or blogging--whatever it is that soothes you, that dissects your thoughts and parenting challenges. I believe it's good and right to say 'this parenting thing is SO DAMN DIFFICULT!' It's the hardest job I've ever known. Learning to forgive myself for feeling the frustration and funneling it into resolution is a powerful action. It took me some time to really get that. After all that talking and problem-solving finding some perspective is so very necessary.
When I could look at it rationally I saw that we were making progress. Finally, last night we turned a corner, even if just a small one, Isla went down in 45 minutes instead of over 90 minutes with regular comfort checks. This is progress!
I also decided to have patience with her naps- until I can get her back to her normal bedtime routine there is no point in battling the nap in her crib when she'll go down in her stroller on a walk or in the car. I decided to go that route until she's through this, we are both caught up on sleep (and hopefully patience) and then we can battle it out on crib naps again- one thing at a time!
When I got some serious perspective... I rolled up my 'big girl' sleeves, got back to sleep training basics and got to work. That's the real stuff parenting is made of :)
That lady melts me.
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