Hi Friends!
I am so very honored this morning to post this wonderful and informative write-up by my Friend, Amy from Radiance Birth Services. A couple months ago I asked her to guest blog about what it's like to be a Doula and why the service is so helpful to Mothers (and Fathers!)
Yesterday she sent over this lovely post and it made me sweetly reminiscent of Isla's birth. I have never felt more capable and powerful in my life as I did when I was bringing Isla into the world. I will forever be blessed by the birth experience I had with her -- it made me realize so many things about myself I never knew. I welcomed her into the world the way I desired and I know how blessed I am that my birth plan went as 'planned.' I love that Amy talks about defining your priorities to seek the birth you desire and being flexible if things don't go as planned.
It takes a very special person to support Mothers mentally and physically during labor. Amy, I respect what you do and all the women you assist in reaching Motherhood. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this--you rock lady! :)
If you'd like to reach out to Amy you can find her here : Radiance Birth Services
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The 5 most important decisions to plan for the birth you desire
As a birth Doula, I provide emotional, physical and informational support to women during pregnancy, labor and postpartum. I am often asked, and have pondered myself many times, what are the most important planning steps to ensure a positive birth experience. Here are my thoughts, listed in order of importance.
1. Flexibility. Pregnancy and birth are life changing events that often make us confront our fears and transform in the process. Central to a positive birth experience is embracing our powerlessness and the unpredictability of labor. We can prepare, plan, educate ourselves, and believe in our goals for birth. And we may be dealt a hand during labor that is beyond our control. Giving yourself the grace to change your mind, take a different approach, or use interventions you previously swore off will go a long way in ensuring a positive experience.
2. Location. The most important logistical decision for a positive birth experience is deciding where you want to be. If you choose to give birth in a hospital, research all the options you have. Rates of epidural use and cesareans vary widely among hospitals in the same city. Most low risk women have the option to birth at home, or a free standing birth center. There are a growing number of out of hospital options for women having a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), multiples and breech births. Consider where you will feel safe, strong and comfortable.
3. Care provider. Once you chose your location, choosing your medical provider is central to having the labor and birth you desire. Births are most often attended by an OB/GYN or a Midwife. Provider's beliefs about and approaches to birth vary widely. Some things to consider when choosing a provider are how interested and respectful he or she is of your desires for labor. Do you feel heard and do they take the time to answer questions thoroughly? How does your care provider feel about induction, pregnancies that stretch beyond 42 weeks, and routine interventions? Any discomfort, or lack of trust with your provider will only become more significant during labor. Finding someone who embraces your goals is key to a positive experience.
4. Support team. Women in labor are more energetically open than most other times in life. As a result, you will pick up on any nervousness or judgment from the people around you. Surround yourself only with people who support your goals, and believe in your ability to accomplish the birth you desire. I have heard a midwife say to expect labor to last an hour longer for each person in the room with you. Even though you agreed six months ago to let your second cousin twice removed, who is starting a photography business, take pictures, you can change your mind!
I believe every woman would benefit from having a Doula they connect with. If you are giving birth in the hospital, the one member of your medical team you have no control over is your nurse, and she is often the most influential on the progression of your labor. If you get lucky with a great nurse, she will work with your Doula to provide amazing support. If you are not happy about the nurse you have, you can always ask for a new one. Depending on the size of the hospital, that might not be a viable option, which makes the presence of a Doula even more critical. Doulas provide continuous support, have extensive training, and use many tools to provide comfort and help labor progress effectively.
5. Postpartum plan. Many women take the time to create a birth plan, and the immediate postpartum period is often just a side note. I believe if you feel good about the above three decisions, your birth plan should focus mainly on the first few hours after birth. Is it important to you that your provider delay cord clamping until it stops pulsing? The "golden hour" after birth is huge for bonding and establishment of a breastfeeding relationship. Unless medically necessary, do you want skin to skin time completely uninterrupted with your baby and partner? How do you feel about newborn interventions like eye ointment, vitamin k shot and baby's first bath? Do you want your voices to be the first and only your baby hears? During labor it is easy to feel like you give up control to the medical staff. After your baby is born and doing well, try to remember you get to make the decisions about who holds your baby, how and when.
We can do everything "right" and still end up with a hard or traumatic birth experience. Reaching out to your Doula, friends and family, a counselor, or a support group for new moms are all good resources for processing a hard birth. It is possible to love your baby and be glad for their safe arrival, while also being disappointed or angry about aspects of your labor. It does not make you a bad mom to want more than "just a healthy baby." All moms want that. We also want confident, empowered moms who feel valued, bonded to their babies and respected during one of the most important events of her life.
I ascribe to the theory of 3's when it comes to postpartum planning. Plan to be in bed for 3 days after birth. Only get up to use the bathroom, and allow your baby unrestricted skin to skin and access to nurse. Plan for 3 weeks of help around the house. Accept offers from friends and family to help with meals, cleaning and errands. And finally, 3 months of grace- for yourself, for your partner and for your child. Welcoming a new baby is a huge adjustment, and most moms don't feel like they settle into their new normal before 3 months.
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