Confession. I Fail.

Hi Friends.

I have a confession.....and I would only admit this to fellow Mamas out there because I know you'll understand....so here goes:

Today, Isla has been a total&complete TERRORIST! Lets just say she's wrapped her arms around the whole "9.month mental leap/sleep-eat regression" and given it a big old bear hug. It's that bad.

I started off my day by offering her breakfast which ended up on the floor and in her hair. She finally had a couple bites of yogurt and toast. Then she threw a total fit in her high chair as I cleaned up her tray. She "decided" she's now scared of the bathtub...she likes the water but only to stand in..which was an issue since I put her in there to remove the yogurt and rinse her sad (and bleeding, eek!) diaper rash -- poor lady! I felt so bad for her I let her crawl around without a diaper while I got her room ready for a nap ... and then she peed on the floor. That's the first time (keep track please). She then proceeded to nap for 30 mins before crying for 15 and not successfully putting herself back to sleep. I finally conceded and got her up and offered her a cracker. She threw it on the floor, threw up her toast which resembled a large loaf of bread (how is that possible?!!), had 2 messy poos (that's a really CLEAN way to describe them) and then when she peed on the floor again...and I yelled "FU-ddddgee!" .... but it wasn't the dessert. It was the real deal.

Then....dead silence.

You could have cut the tension with a really dull butter knife.

I wish one of those crop duster planes would have flown by her nursery window with a big, long, whipping banner that said, "YOU FAIL!! MAMA FAIL!! fa-la-la-la-la"

I grabbed a rag, cleaner and sunk onto the floor. As I scrubbed my girl moved towards me very slowly. I knew she wasn't quite sure what was next because it's not often I really "lose my sh*t" in front of her. When she came over and reached out to hold onto my shoulder and I finally reciprocated looking her in the eye (which I couldn't do until I truly had my head back on straight!) ....she smiled.

And maybe that's the beauty of today....I learned that this morning sucked....it just did but I can repair it. I haven't ruined today. I haven't ruined our Thursday, her first Halloween or more importantly, my baby girl.

I feel bad about scaring her (although I'm sure it won't be the first time I really lose it!)...dropping the F-bomb (please let that be the last time) .....and for feeling like she had any control over the situation. The funny thing is, I probably wouldn't change anything--I'd still let her crawl her nakey buns around for a couple mins to help her diaper rash and unfortunately pee is just gonna happen sometimes (which makes me very good friends with household cleaner).

I learned that she forgives...pretty instantly even. I provide her structure and balance...and even when I lose it she sees that I can rein it back in and move forward. I'm determined to turn our day around when she gets up from her nap. It will be time for her first Halloween! Time to get dressed up, maybe take 2 bites of dinner (we're focusing on little milestones around here) and lots of pictures. At least I don't need to dress up to be a 'frazzled Mama' :)

Happy Halloween Everyone!

xo.
S