Growing up

Hi Friends-

I meant to follow up Isla's Cake Smash post with a birthday recap but wrote a letter to her instead. You can read it on our personal family blog: Here.

Tonight I thought I would write about Isla getting bigger..... growing up that is ...

(sniff, sniff....)

I never ever expected to be one of those sentimental Moms who misses her 'baby' but I have to admit I do. This was slammed in my face and punctuated ("Hello !!!!!!") two weeks ago when Isla lost her baby face (a byproduct, I suspect, of getting 4 teeth in a month) and cutting back on nursing.

I thought she was completely done...... just cold turkey- "see ya later Mom- been nice knowing ya and that boob" and let me just tell you, it sent me into a TAILSPIN.

An emotional, hormonally fueled tailspin I wasn't prepared for.

Thankfully she wasn't going 'cold turkey'.... just cutting back to 3 times a day and going through some serious teething issues....but it made me wake up to the fact that I may really struggle when she's decided milk in a sippy cup is in her new 'jam' and the boob is for babies (which she apparently is not). I am trying to prepare myself for that transition because I have a strong feeling we're headed in that direction quickly. I'm hoping that acknowledging the hormonal shift and feelings will ease the transition for my mind and body. It was a blessing in disguise that I had a little preview of what's to come.

In the midst of 'missing' the baby who is rapidly transforming into the toddling little girl I find moments so precious I log them into my memory bank and will myself to never forget them. I had one of those tonight and I cherished it because it was just so 'normal.' There wasn't a big event or holiday or celebration. We weren't with a bunch of people and I wasn't trying to 'make a memory' ... it just happened.

As I was getting Isla ready for bed I was carrying her on my hip and bustling around her room getting her crib ready (i.e.: arranging her stuffies :), stacking up our bedtime reads, preparing her bottle and as I walked into her closet I looked at her ..... she looked at me out of the corner of her eye and slyly twitched a half smile. There was a sparkle in her eye--a glint of mischief, of ease, of knowing.

It was in that 'look' she gave me that I knew my baby was growing up.
That 'look' was all hers.

It is one I will see the first day of Kindergarten, the night of Senior Prom as she walks out of our house...pausing to look over her shoulder (even just for a second) and the day of her wedding as she vows commitment to her lifetime partner. It is a look I locked in my memory because it was the first time.... the very first time I saw her as a girl, a teenager, a woman. I saw her life roll out in front of me....all of the moments, the milestones, the memories...one after another like a choppy black&white home movie.

As I write this by lamplight tears are falling from my cheeks for no other reason than I feel blessed. I get to be a part of her story......of all of those moments. I get to see that sly little smile and that twinkle--over and over and over again throughout her life and no matter how much I miss my tiny baby, my heart desires nothing more than to watch her grow and see who she becomes. I can't wait to meet that woman. She will be wonderful.

(time for a tissue)

xoxo.
S