grief.

Hello Friends,

I'm going to warn you this is going to be a tough post so you may want to fill up that wine glass or just skip it-- I won't blame you! It will leave you with a heavy heart.

Today was a hard day.
A really sad day.
A day when my head didn't understand and my heart ached.

Friends of ours lost their newborn Daughter. She has been fighting since the moment she was born and today she left this world.

When B told me my heart went into my throat, I felt physically sick, every piece of me ached for them. I hovered over Isla wanting to smother her and squeeze her. I ate my dinner in silence, my mind racing and trying to find a thought that didn't begin and end with their immense loss. No one should ever have to grieve the loss of a child. No one should ever have to know that brand of pain. It is just unimaginable.

I know that the only way I can honor her sweet life is to live in the moment with my own little family. As I caught myself repeating Isla's bedtime mantra to myself over and over...usually I only say it to myself once before putting her down but tonight it was like her heartbeat in my ears,

"protect her"
               bum.bum
"watch over her"
               bum.bum
"she is my heart"
               bum.bum

..... I was reminded just how very, very blessed I am.

Hug your babies tight.

xo.
S