exhausted.

Hi Friends,

I don't know what is going lately but my kid is MAKING ME CERTIFIABLY CRAZY!

Isla has never been a great napper, this is common knowledge, but she's always been happy in the afternoons which has gotten me through it. Lately she's not only been blowing through naps but from 3-7pm she is an absolute.holy.terror! She has started having these full on, throwing herself on the ground, working up the dramatic tantrum face meltdowns. I usually ignore her when she decides this is the best use of her time but they are getting to the point where I feel like I have to step in. She has been super destructive-- not just the normal kiddo mess...but full-on, going around wanting to DESTROY things. Within minutes she goes from destruction and whining/crying at me to saying 'up,up,up' and wanting to cuddle and be carried around. If I don't pick her up it's the most ridiculously sad pile of baby tears I've ever seen.

She's so mad and tired---- why won't she SLEEP during the day?!!!!! 

I am literally so exhausted....so exhausted you guys. It doesn't help that because she won't nap I can't get ANYTHING done during the day so I'm making dinner/cleaning (the mess she made!)/editing and working on our personal stuff on the computer late at night. I feel like I don't have even a SECOND to myself (which is completely dramatic because I do....I've finished like 6 books this month so I absolutely have time to myself and time to relax but at the end of the day it feels completely desperate).

The worst part is that I don't like the 'Mom' I am during those hours. I spend 3pm-4pm trying to find things to entertain her so she won't turn to destruction and frequent meltdowns (walking, snacking, playing, watching Elmo, etc) and from 5pm-6pm trying to keep her on schedule with her dinner routine and from 6pm-7pm trying not to lose my sh*t while she absolutely melts into a puddle of toddler tantrum and unstoppable hyper-energy.

I literally take slow deep breaths 35 times a day....and the juries still out on whether it works or not.
I find myself saying 'you're making me crazy', 'I can't believe you did this again'---etc,etc.etc. I am so damn tired by the end of the day I feel like a threadbare version of the  Mom I know I am... the one that lives in the moment and practices patience....and seeks to connect with Isla.

At this moment I feel like I'm struggling with this phase (God, let it be a phase!) I'm sure tomorrow I'll wake up and it will be just fine....because most days that is the way of things, but right in this moment I just want to curl up in the fetal position and sob about how absolutely horrible my toddler is in the afternoons. I am bleary eyed and every one of my limbs feels heavy---it's time to take a shower, drink tea and refuel. They didn't say raising kids was the hardest job there is for nothing!

Hope your day was easier than mine!
xoxo.
S