The Image of Beautiful

This post has been especially hard to write. I've started it several times and every time my chest gets kind of heavy and I leave it unfinished. It is that heavy feeling that propels me to finish and post it tonight. There's something empowering about admitting your insecurities to those you don't know are reading. I think my goal in posting this is finding answers to make me a better Mom and role model to Isla.

_______________________________

A girlfriend and I were sitting in her living room last week- sipping our coffee, watching the babies and chatting when a conversation came up that I can't quite get out of my head. She was telling me about taking "mommy & me" swim classes with her 1 year old Daughter and I asked if she wore just a swimsuit or shorts over her suit and she looked at me like I was crazy and said "definitely shorts"...then she studied me for a minute and said, "you would be fine in a swimsuit though right? I never thought you'd have an issue with your body since you bounced back so quick after having Isla." As I found the words to explain why I would be wearing shorts over my swimsuit I realized that I had a confession to make....

I can't remember a time when I didn't feel self conscious in a swim suit. EVER. 

and that realization hit me like a brick wall. It terrified me. I am raising a girl and yet I have spent my entire teenage & adult life being self conscious in a swimsuit. I don't consider myself to be a self conscious woman and yet I think back on my teenage years and remember obsessing about my thighs when I was 14, being self conscious of my lovely hereditary cellulite at 15, spending age 16 trying to acquire a "model square" .... 

ahhh yes....the coveted 'model square' that now screams "NEED NUTRIENTS!" and spending Age 17 chatting with my sister about purchasing Bloussant, the breast enhancing drug (Yes, this is real).

As a Mother, I now think of these phases and freeze in pure fear. They make my head want to blow up. I know much of 'growing into your body' is having mixed feelings about yourself in your teenage years but the specific pressure we (society/marketing,etc) indirectly put on young girls to focus on their appearance and achieve 'perfection' makes my heart heavy. I know for me it wasn't until my Senior year in High School and my College years that I really felt secure with myself and my body image. I still have "my days" but I seek to find balance.

I recently read a blog that empowered me to write this post (along with the conversation above) and consider how I can change my thinking to empower Isla to feel secure with her beautiful self. The blog is HERE and I really hope you take a minute to read it. I expect Isla will feel insecure at times or have her share of feeling "fat" but I hope overall I can help her find a sense of pride and peace with her body.

She is beautiful. (So, so, so beautiful. I could rave all day at what a beautiful person she is).

I am beautiful......Isn't that twinge of perceived narcissistic guilt interesting. I am beautif....yep, felt it.

And it is in that odd guilt (that I know I shouldn't feel) that I will make a promise to her....to myself. I will practice telling myself "I'm beautiful" for Isla. When I look down and think I need to lose an inch off my thighs or smooth a wrinkle around my eyes I will remember the affect this could have on my beautiful Daughter. Not once do I want her feeling like she didn't earn that smile line or wrinkle. Not once do I want to hear her apologize for her height or that she's too "big" or "too skinny." I actually get the "skinny" one a lot and it's just as damaging. I know some of you are rolling your eyes but I must say.....I have heard myself more than once apologizing for someone else's insecurities that they think I'm "too thin." It's an odd thing we do to each other as women.

So along with my promise to Isla..... I hope you will consider telling yourself "you are beautiful" for your Daughter and for yourself. If every woman possessed this kind of self confidence I believe our Daughter's would travel through puberty less damaged by the notion of what they "should" look like and more empowered by the reality of what they do look like. I believe that we as women would begin to bring each other 'up' and in the process of loving ourselves raise a generation that does so as well.

Just say it .... "I am beautiful"

xoxo.
S