~For those who read my personal blog this will be a duplicate post. I just didn't feel like I could write about all things 'mommy' without reposting Isla's birth story and what my birth experience was.
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It's almost 1am. I should be going to sleep. I just laid down my sweet sleeping baby next to the bed where hubby was already headed into REM dreamland and Stells (our little terrier) even gave a satisfied sigh. Yet, I am up staring at the familiar glow of my blog after hours because I can't help thinking about Isla's birth story. The one I wrote- not the one I lived.
I have been working on writing it down for a week- gathering the details, searching my brain for the memories that lay in the gray space of intense labor, putting myself back into those magical moments. When I re-read it tonight I just couldn't post it. Something just didn't feel right....and as I nursed my daughter rocking away in the lamplight of her sweet nursery, I realized I didn't write HER birth story I wrote the story of MY labor.
I am so proud of the fact that I was able to give Isla a natural labor and delivery. It was important to me to give her this gift--to start off life with a completely drug-free birth. I am proud of myself- not because I didn't think I could do it but because I did it with confidence and resolve- qualities I wasn't sure I would possess during the intensity of labor. That being said, the story I wrote was full of chronological events, information I researched months in advance while I prepared ..... and while that information is important- it is not the story of the joyous moments that brought Isla to us. It spoke nothing of the work, emotion and support I felt as I labored to bring her into the world....and so tonight, I scrapped that post into the drafts folder and I start over with only the memories I have at this very moment. I have no plan to come back and re-edit later or clarify gray areas with B or Mindy, my incredible supporting cast for Isla's birth.
This is my story- our story- of Isla's beautiful beginning.
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Our sweet baby was due on 1/12. When that day came and went I remained calm and distracted at home trying to wrap up loose ends before baby arrived and not dwell on the fact that I was "ready." Really "ready" to meet this baby. When my Florida bestie, Ashli and my Niece, Grace showed up on the 15th and the baby still had made no move to join us I was starting to grow impatient. I remember taking a walk the morning after they got here....Grace was in the stroller and we were hoping the walk would help baby get moving. Unfortunately it was not quite that easy. I had gone into the Dr. the morning of Ashli's arrival because I thought my water was leaking. My Dr. checked me out and scheduled a follow-up with a stress test and plan to talk about induction at the end of the week if baby hadn't made any moves. My Dr. didn't want me to go past 41 weeks because I had a bilobed placenta and they were worried the baby's nutrition may suffer if I went too far overdue. I spent the next 3 days having lovely chats with my Ash, playing with my Niece, running errands, planning, relaxing and trying to 'will' our baby to come. B & Ash tried everything from getting spicy food, to making me bounce on the yoga ball, pressure point massage on my feet and ankles (thanks Ash!), acupuncture and lots of walking. For weeks the baby had been low - zero station and 90% efface for you mamas out there.
Bottom line- I just needed the contractions.
By Friday, I was no closer to starting labor. The Dr. decided to do a stress test and check me again. She mentioned that my water was really low but I didn't pay much attention to it until-
POP!!!!
My water broke during the exam. She looked up surprised and said, "Well....that's what your water breaking feels like. You're having a baby today." With a smile she said they wanted to do a stress test on the baby and then they'd send me to labor and delivery. I remember saying, "This may be a stupid question but can I run home and get my bag?"
Confession: I really just wanted my camera. Priorities right?!!
She told me in the sweetest way possible that it was a better idea to let someone get it for me :) I asked her to grab Ashli for me from the waiting room.
Now let me be clear on water breaking.....I know women out there say "Oh it's just a little water- no big deal." That is COMPLETELY false- false- false! It is a gushing of water and other unmentionables. Think Niagara.
As my Ash walked in holding Grace I was standing pants-less gushing fluid all over medical pads on the nicely waxed linoleum. I waited for a look of shock, panic...but my girl didn't say anything when she came in. I asked if the nurse told her. She looked puzzled and I let her know it was "birthday time." Baby was on the way! She told Grace we were having a baby today and promptly called the hubby who replied "awesome!" He's so calm and collected! Min arranged to pick up lunch, drop it at the hospital and run to the Eastside to pick up B and my bags- gotta love sisters who snap into action! (She had been packing a 2nd set of clothes on the bus for over a week just in case baby came during the work day :)
At about this time I was finally able to move into the other room for the stress test. I definitely need to send Hallmark an email and suggest they make a card that says:
"You're the type of best friend who helps stuff pads in my leggings when I'm standing in my own amniotic fluid. Thank you for that. xoxo"
Bottom Line: It was definitely a defining moment in our 13 year friendship :)
They hooked me up to the stress test and everything looked great. Baby's heartbeat was steady and healthy. At that point they said, "Ok! head down to labor and delivery." As I walked through the halls of Swedish in wet pants with my best friend holding her sweet 1-year old I couldn't help but think of how surreal that moment was. Soon I would be holding my own little one. Soon we would meet our baby. I couldn't wait for Brandon to get there. It wouldn't feel real until he was at the hospital to bring our baby into the world too.
When we got to Labor and Delivery they checked me into Triage because the floor was full. My Dr. asked them to get me a room as soon as possible because I was in active labor. I didn't mind Triage because it was totally empty and they let Ash&Grace stay with me even though they normally don't allow kids. My contractions were steady but not very painful. By the time B&Min arrived they were really picking up and the Nurse was able to get us a room. She started filling the bathtub as soon as I got to the room. My contractions were about 2 minutes apart and by the time I got in the tub I was definitely feeling them more and working through them with my breathing. I labored in the tub for several hours and eventually it was too uncomfortable with the back pain I was having. I got out and paced between sitting on the side of the tub, sitting on the toilet and holding onto the rail in the bathroom while B rubbed my lower back/hips. My Nurse, who was absolutely awesome- thank you Becky(!!) suggested using the rocker, squat bar or bed but being in the room wasn't as comfortable. It was too open and bright. I had read that it was common for women in natural labor to choose a more confined, dark space to labor in so I wasn't surprised that the heart of my intense labor was done in the bathroom. It got to the point where I was in a lot of pain and starting to doubt if I could finish. Min & B encouraged me and talked to the Nurse about having me checked. I purposefully asked to not be checked regularly in my birth plan because I didn't want to feel like things weren't moving fast enough. When I got in the tub I was at 3 and when I was doubting I could finish I was at 8 and moving through the "transition phase" quickly. When I heard I was at 8 it was a like a "second wind."
I knew I could finish.
Near the end I was falling asleep between contractions/pushes. Surprising huh? It had been almost 11 hours although it only felt like 6 or 7 to me. I would do one push, catch a couple zz's, wake up and say "ok, one's coming" and do it again. I was shocked to find out I pushed for close to three hours. I thought it had only been one or two. I started feeling a lot of pressure and intensity and knew that I was close. They called in the Dr. and she got to work. Within a couple pushes the head was close to being delivered. I remember how excited everyone was and how they kept encouraging me. At that point I was so ready to meet my baby, I had worked so hard and I wanted to know if we had a son or daughter. The feeling was very intense but not unbearable. It is an intensity only meant for bringing life into the world. With one defining push the baby's head was out and our baby was here.......
The moments stopped.....I was so exhausted and it was so surreal but I clearly remember the Dr. looking up from her glasses and saying...
"It's a girl."
We both were so surprised. We thought we were having a boy but longed for the biggest and best surprise, which our girl was. As soon as she was born they did a quick wipe off and she was immediately placed on my chest. I put my hand on her back and breathed in sync with her.
My daughter. Our baby.
As Brandon hovered over his girls- taking in his little lady I felt adrenaline running hot through my body.....a feeling of fullness.
So full of joy. Of pride. Of love.
So blessed.
I always have felt the 'realness' of our love story. I have always loved it's chapters whether they brought us strength or sorrow. On that day I literally felt our story turn a page. We had created a life and I had the honor of bringing her into the world. Never had we done anything greater.
After my Dr. wrapped up working on me and the Nurse finished with Isla we requested time to just enjoy her as a new little family before our family and friends who had been waiting to meet our girl came in. When everyone left we sat together on the bed and stared at our girl. We named her and found comfort in the joyous silence because nothing- nothing needed to be said. We both just felt so changed. So full. We were a family of three.
I am so grateful that I experienced the birth I prepared and planned for. I am so grateful I trusted my body to work through the labor process and that I was able to give Isla a drug-free entrance into the world. I am so grateful that my B was by my side- through the deepest, darkest parts of labor coaching me with strength that came from the deepest kind of love. I am so grateful my Sister was there when I needed her most. I could just look at her and feel calm and confident. I am grateful for my incredible Nurse, Becky for respecting my birth plan and bringing nurturing patience to my labor. I am grateful for the supportive family and friends who waited for Isla and stormed the door to meet our little lady.
More than anything I'm so grateful for our girl.
After our family and friends met Isla and celebrated her arrival I got up to stretch my legs and use the bathroom. Yes, I was up and around within two hours of having Isla. I was a little sore but felt great. My total recovery was 2-3 days. I only felt the need to take Ibuprofen when I was at home. I was very lucky that the recovery was so seamless.
After saying good-bye to Becky and thanking her for everything she settled Isla and I into a wheelchair and took us down to the postpartum floor. As the door from my room opened and our family and friends stood lined up in the hall I felt like our new life had finally begun. I walked in anticipating the arrival of this little one and left with her in my arms and a tribe of family overjoyed that she was here.
That night as B and I were settled into our room the nurse said to take advantage of the downtime in the hospital and try to get some sleep. I knew that was out of the question. The adrenaline was still pumping and all I could do was stare at our girl. As B settled into the extremely uncomfortable recliner I spent the wee-morning hours staring at our Daughter- mesmerized by her features, being grateful for each breath, each second we were spending together in those early hours. Eventually she ended up on my chest and we welcomed the sunrise of her first day in this world.
and in the end.....or more fittingly in Isla's beginning we are grateful and still filled with amazement that we did something so great. That we could create someone so beautiful.
The whole world is yours Isla James, we can't wait to see what you do with it.
Forever and ever yours,
Mommy.
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