Rant: The Twos.

Hi Friends,

This one's going to be a totally scattered, lengthy rant. I apologize if it's hard to read- I just had to get it all out. I hope some of you out there can relate!

I am SO at my wits end with Isla's case of 'the Twos.'

For the last two or three weeks she has been such a challenging menace for me during the day. She has tantrums with me that she doesn't have with other people so when I ask for advice they just don't know how to relate. I like to get her out in the early afternoon before her nap because after her nap she usually just wants to relax and watch a show/play but she's really feisty in the morning. Every time we get in the car it is a HUGE thing. She refuses to sit in her seat, she goes for the gear shift and parking break. If I try and put her in her seat she 'alligator rolls' out of my arms or kicks me. It's ridiculous. Totally ridiculous and nothing raises my blood pressure more than fighting with her before we've even moved the car to reach our destination (which is usually somewhere really fun!) She doesn't do it with B or anyone else and I just don't know how to control it. I would cancel everything and bring her upstairs (which I've done) but honestly I can't handle being in our stupid condo any more than she can. If we had a yard it'd be much more tolerable but there's just no better option.

She has a really hard time leaving places. I usually give her lots of time and warn her before we leave. I have tried telling her to choose one more thing to do before we leave or say good-bye to whatever she's doing... it doesn't matter- it always turns into a power struggle with her running from me and making a huge scene. The other day in Target she was doing well and then totally fell apart when I wouldn't let her scatter 5 hand-held baskets all over the aisle blocking other people from shopping. I tried to talk to her, not talk to her, hug her, put her in the cart, put her on my lap and talk to her from behind- nothing worked- she ended up having an epic fit in the grocery aisle. It was such a mess- I was sitting on the floor- next to our cart holding my wailing 2 year old just thinking- 'this shit is CRAZY! Is this really my life?!!' It was such a 'thing' a Target employee came over to ask if I was OK. I was like, 'all good here' - it barely even phased me. She's been so crazy- it was a drop in the bucket.

I have also considered that she's bored at home with me and maybe preschool one or two days a week would be a good idea but she's not potty trained which pretty means preschool is pretty much off the table unless it's a co-op which is what we're already doing. I tried potty training last week and gave up when she peed on the floor for the third time in 30 minutes. I just didn't have the patience for it and she had zero desire to listen and go sit on the potty when the clock 'told her to.' The power struggle is a real issue these days. If anyone has advice on potty training please send it to me- I need all the help I can get!

I also have been looking into a babysitter because during the week when B has to work late and I need a break I have ZERO people who can help me. I have never so badly wanted to live closer to my Parents and family! I did a post on a local FB Moms Group but the replies I got were from a 12 year old and a recommendation for a Eastside Parents group who reccs babysitters to each other- which is a nice idea but too far-reaching for me. I reached out to my Cousin to see if anyone in her sorority would be interested but of course they're not. I know I need to find someone I just don't want to use somebody and worry the entire time about what's going on with her. Anyone have advice on a good service they've used?

Along with all of these things I'm trying to navigate I am stuck between the push and pull of feeling like a wonderful Mom when she's being really fun and engaging (her language skills are going crazy- big sentences going on over here!) and the bad/impatient Mom when she's pulling her antics and making me nuts. I know this is a phase. I'm sure it probably gets easier. I just feel SO STUCK IN IT--which is pulling me down and making me feel like I can't help myself- and more importantly help her wade out of it constructively, with a lesson learned. Ai-yi-yi.

And now the best part- the part all Moms can relate to, all I want to do is apologize for this rant because who wants to admit they don't have their sh*t together when it comes to dealing with a tiny human-- typical Mom emotions going on over here.

Thanks for listening (and commiserating, I'm sure :)

xo.
S

PS- I REALLY deserve one of those easy-going babies. Number 2- you better show up with a cup of chamomile and a real zen attitude someday.